I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
