My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
