I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
