I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
