I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
