omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Enjoy the penises
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
