I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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