Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
