p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
