I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
