do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
