Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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