been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
