I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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