Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
