My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
