I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
