Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
