I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
