Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
