Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
