when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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