Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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