Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Damn victory sex feels great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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