No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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