Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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