he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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