I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
