I love black thongs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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