just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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