if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
