So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize