PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i think my cat just said my name.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
