absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
