so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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