i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
