Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
