I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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