I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
