My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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