Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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