I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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