I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
