Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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