I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize