you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
