My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize