This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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