Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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