My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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