It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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