Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
