id be glad to
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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