Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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