now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found your dick twin last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
