My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
