think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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