I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize