Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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