The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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