i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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