It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
