he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
