Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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