the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
