Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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