Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
