the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We had sex on a dog bed..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
