ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
