Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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