your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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