Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was like eating out sand paper
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
