Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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