Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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