omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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